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Push Away, Move Closer


This little one has been home nearly 7 months now.  Seven months of adjusting to being family, to being her mother, her adjusting to finally having a mother. She has a fiery spirit, she’s a fighter, and although it helped her as an orphan….it is a hindrance to bonding. 

She pushes away.

She begs for closeness. 

Her mind is full of emotions that her three year old self cannot evaluate and process. I myself have problems evaluating and processing emotions sometimes, and I’m an adult, so it makes sense that she lets her emotions present in shrieking. Oh the shrieking. Logically, we know why the fits happen. Aside from normal 3 year old development, she is developing a new language that doesn’t yet allow her to communicate and express herself fully. She is subconsciously holding a resentment towards me for taking her from her home. I can’t say that I blame her. She also just plain ole doesn’t like to be told what to do, not even in the most “here are your choices” kind of way.

There is one thing I have noticed, that is not much different from what we faced when we adopted Anna and Tanner. She has an expected failure mentality. She often says, “I can’t do it.” Sometimes it is feigned helplessness, sometimes it is her literally thinking she can’t. There are many of these moments throughout our day. I tell her she can do it, she is capable, sometimes she tries and succeeds right away. Sometimes she throws a fit, then tries and succeeds. 

So many emotions for this little one. 

What is the saying? Those who need love the most, ask for it in the most unloving ways.

This is truth. So we push forward, forging a path of our own, stealing moments to bond and making the most of them. 

We just keep trying….all of us. 

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