There is a group of mothers out there, they are kind of a species to their own. You see, they are mothers like all mothers….and yet not. These mothers are women who picked up the burdens and joys of parenting by themselves. I have a friend like this, and I find it amazing that she gets up every day to do the mom thing with love and humor.
The moms that I speak of are not the typical single moms. Let me state that I have great admiration for single moms, my mother was one, but I’m speaking of a “different” kind of single mom. There are a group of mothers out there who answer the call to adopt even if though they know they will be parenting alone.
Amazingly brave isn’t it.
Adoption is tough, and children can carry a lot of grief that needs to be worked through. They carry scars that can affect them forever. This means that the parents must step up and be super parents for their kids. I know moms who have adopted more than one child with many deep hurts. Those hurts dominate the children and cause so many struggles for the child and the mother. As a mom you just want to make your child’s hurt go away….but sometimes it isn’t easy.
The mother must work to provide for her children, she must cook and clean and get the underwear washed, she must attend the school meetings and sports games….and then she must put on her cape to do the extra. She has to be the ear to listen, the shoulder to cry on, the punching bag to the almost always overwhelming emotions. Every day she must wake up and face the dominating emotions of the hurt child. She must give up her quiet and her pieces of her sanity, every single day…..without the partner to lean on.
Our lives are chaotic. Our adoptions were not easy, and we face a lot of issues with our children…..but we face them together. When I am overwhelmed, I can look to my husband and cry.
The single mom, cries alone.
No one knows how another person lives unless they are living the life with them. In my house, John understands my struggles, he shares them.
The single mom has no one to understand her particular struggle. She may have a wonderful support system, but no one can know what her life really feels like and how exhausted she is unless they live that life with her.
The single mom who is raising adopted children is different from the single mom we all typically think of. We have a collective sympathy for the typical single mom…..and yet the adoptive single mom doesn’t get that. She gets something different. She either gets ignored because obviously for her to take on such a big task, she must be superwoman and needs no help.
She gets the “you chose this life” attitude. Oh this attitude is something a lot of adoptive parents know well. Yes, we chose this life, no it doesn’t mean we have it all together all of the time and live without stress and pain.
The single mom who adopts a child may have chosen the life she has, and it is likely incredibly fulfilling and amazing…..and overwhelming and emotional and….and….and….likely it was a life she could not have truly prepared for, and sometimes she needs a hand to hold, a shoulder to cry on, someone to eat chocolate cake with and celebrate….someone to pray with and cry….just because she chose the life doesn’t mean she HAS to do it all alone. Be her village, support her and empathize with her struggles.
So here is a shout out of respect to those women who step up to be a mom to a child she did not birth. A shout out to the women who take on the challenges of parenting the hurt with bravery, courage, compassion, and great love. We see you, we respect you, we sympathize with you, we pray for you.
Happy Mother’s Day!