I sat this morning, in the dark , still, quiet, that is sure never to happen once the pitter patter of feet hit the floor running. My thoughts swarming around my head, my mind trying to fight that old familiar feeling. The slight panic. The swirling thoughts. The approaching fear of failure.
What are we doing?!
(Grace dancing in her handmade by me dress for her recent birthday).
We received our PAIR letter two days ago. For the country we are adopting from, there must be pre-approval beyond just the standard I-600A. It took quite a few, very long, months for this process. I was beyond thrilled to have it completed.
Thrilled and terrified!
Are we ready?
We are now waiting for a court date!
Will we ever get to bring her home?
As per our adoption contract, we are paying a fee for Glory’s care in a foster home each month. This fee, along with our adoption loan (only a partial to help with upfront costs and to accompany our big chunk of savings), has been quite suffocating as of late. We had hoped for our adoption to be completed by now, for us not to have had to pay the last couple thousand that we have.
We can do this….I know we can…..more money is going to have to go out soon….it’s okay we are not going to panic….we can do this.
We are $11,000 from our goal for travel.
My thoughts are swirling. Constantly, I am thinking about what I can do to alleviate the pain of these fees. Adoption comes with a great price sometimes. Great faith.
I have faith, dear God, please give me patience and perseverance to tackle this obstacle before me.
I have been working.
(I can sew, and sew I have).
Sew much sewing 😉
And other crafting.
Really, I have tried anything that might helps us even a teeny little bit.
And I shall sew some more, in hopes that this will be somewhat profitable (as some haven’t quite been so), and that we will feel the weight lighten a bit. We are prideful and hardworking, it is difficult to ask anyone for help. This is probably not a good thing, but I will confess, I am so thankful for our hardworking personalities. I do hope that our children see all that we have done to help others, and all that we do to parent them with good morals and values.
My mind races on, could I do something else, what else can we do?
I have cut out convenience foods for the most part, restaurants are no longer a once a month thing as they used to be, and I store large amounts of healthy food to cook from scratch….every little bit helps. I am grateful for the five small people and husband who do not mind eating oatmeal and eggs from our chickens every day. For people who, not only do not mind, but quite enjoy beans and rice or lentils stew.
There is some guilt along with this worry. While I’m struggling to find a way to make $11,000 appear in order to go and bring home a very special little girl in need of medical help, I am also feeling guilty for the things my other little people cannot do.
We try to make it fun though. We have become masters of fun without money.
No, really we seriously have, it’s almost like a super power, and along the way I have learned that money truly is not necessary to have a rich and full life. Actually….I learned that with our first and only other adoption six years ago. It was a phenomenal lesson to have gleaned from that experience, and is truly helping now.
(You can’t beat an egg on a spoon race with eggs that your brother just took from the coop).
Is it enough, what we are doing? Will we make it to our goal?
Will something else happen to make us further from our finish line? It is logical to wonder. We have lost our dairy goats due to flooding, lost most of our garden due to flooding, were involved in a collision that destroyed our van, car seats, and caused John to be off from work and myself to have intense burns on my hand (of all things for a mother of five), had our dishwasher go out, John’s truck died, and then….
Our bathroom plumbing went out. This is John working on the plumbing, on his only day off (he’s been working overtime lately), and Grace dancing around the room to entertain of course.
Can I handle one more thing going wrong?
I may be worried, it may be hard, we may have $11,000 in addition to the outgoing adoption payments we are already making, but I refuse to break my faith.
God called us to adopt Glory. Some people disagree with that kind of statement, well I don’t. I vowed that we would never adopt again, I would never fly again, and I would never sign up for the stress of trying to come up with a heap of overwhelming money.
Yet, here we are.
She needed a family, they said that no one would consider her due to her special needs. I say that she will know that she is worthy and valuable, and that someone DID want her.
She will know that someone sat there in the morning with tears threatening to spill, staring up at the mountain before her, and chose to climb in faith to get her little girl.
This is faith in real life.
Thank you for sharing it with us.