Whoa is that something that many ladies would read and immediately scoff at. Serve him? Serve your husband? What? I’m no servant!
First let’s take a look at what service means.
Service: an act of help or assistance.
John and I will celebrate our thirteenth wedding anniversary next month, and I’ve been thinking about the fact that we are in the teen years of our marriage. For some that is just a blip, but compared to a large portion of our society, that’s a feat and a half. I am amazed that I am still madly in love with that man, probably more so than I was thirteen years ago.
How can that be? Isn’t that giddy fascination type love supposed to go away after the newlywed phase? How has the marriage not fizzled out and withered away into divorce statistic oblivion?
The first half of our marriage was TOUGH. We had obstacles and challenges that could easily destroy a relationship. Add to that, we were both very selfish human beings when it came to our pride and self. There’s something no one really understands at first. People can be super giving of themselves to others, but selfish at the same time. We are human after all. So why are thing so wonderful now?
I have my biblical reasons, but this is actually not a biblical standpoint on marriage post. No, this is most definitely from a logical and human standpoint. I have learned to serve and love my husband above myself.
Wait! Don’t let your eyes fall out of your head yet, just listen to what I’m saying here.
When I am cooking dinner, I always try to plate John’s dinner last, and I always give him the best parts of the meal. This isn’t some kind of 1950’s brainwashed woman thing, it’s an act of service to my husband that represents the appreciation and respect I have for him….and you know what?
He does the same thing for me when he cooks.
My husband is interested in all sorts of things that down right bore me to death. Over the years he has been drawn from one thing to the next, and he gets really involved with them, and I make it my mission to be interested. People who divorce cite that they grew apart. I often wonder if they took the time outside of themselves to be a part of their spouse’s life.
I don’t want to know about computers inside and out. I can however appreciate my husband’s love for it, and admire his intelligence and passion for something. I can pay attention and care about something for him that he cares about. Is it an inconvenience sometimes? Yeah, but it’s worth it. He feels validated in his pursuits and loved by his wife. That is most definitely worth inconvenience don’t ya think.
If my husband is tired, I pick up the slack and fill in. I don’t make him feel bad for not doing something. Instead I try to help him out. If he’s having a grouchy day, I try to understand and give him ease for having a grouchy moment.
Basically, I serve my husband and treat him like I would want to be treated. I try to make him feel valued, I try to be a part of his life, and I try to understand where he is coming from. Marriage is hard, it’s two very different people who are used to catering to their own emotions, coming together as one unit, and having to put another person above themselves at all times. It’s most definitely 100/100.
Sounds good right? If both people are putting in 100, then it’s all peaches and cream? Well, at first, when I made the switch to being a wife who wanted to serve and appreciate my husband, it wasn’t peaches and cream. If one person is doing all of the emotional and physical work, it can feel like they are being taken advantage of. However, if you married a good person(why on earth would you not marry a good person), then they will eventually see and feel the change. It took about six months or so in our case.
Then over the years it has just become a 100/100 type of thing….but let me tell you, don’t get hung up on that. There will be times that one person fails, this doesn’t mean that all is lost, everything has gone to hades. No, hang in there, keep being the loving and understanding spouse, keep trying. We all have bad days (weeks or months), it’s just part of life. If you are understanding of each other’s life struggles, you can get through anything.
I am not afraid of the “service” word. It is my privilege to be able to serve my husband. This isn’t some sort of brainwashed crazy either, trust me, at one point my mother was coined “man hater.” It’s just that over the years, as I have matured, I’ve really learned the value of service to others. Putting my husband above myself and our marriage at the top of the list has been a real game changer. When the parents have a happy and healthy relationship, when the children see them putting their spouse above themselves, it’s a pretty good life lesson don’t you think. After thirteen years with that man, he still makes my heart flutter. It’s not from new excitement though, it’s from an appreciation of what we have and what kind of amazing human being he has grown into. I get the flutters from the realization that I actually get to have him in my life. Love is not some fleeting emotion, it’s most definitely a verb.