For I am the Lord, your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you. Do not fear; I will help you.
A few days before I had Grace, I wrote down three verses in a little book about fear. This was one of them. I had no idea how much I would latch on to this verse over the course of three days.
Grace Magnolia Ruth made her appearance on Thursday night, I was in labor, but not in a good way. For 30 of the 37 hours of labor that I kept pushing through naturally, I wondered if it was labor, and if I was supposed to feel so achey in my body and overall ill. Turns out, no I wasn’t, and it was not normal. My water broke at home on Thursday at 12, and the rest of the day was crazy. At 1, they checked me at 3-4cm and only 50% effaced, temp was 100. At 3 they check me again, and I’m not changing, and my temp is 101. The doc comes in saying c-section. Well I bawled. I worked hard this whole pregnancy to be in the best physical condition I could, did everything “right” and had the “perfect” pregnancy. So I ask him why he wants to, and he says I could have a uterine infection, and since I’m VBAC he couldn’t give me pitocin. He said I hadn’t changed any, and wasn’t likely to. Said if I were 5-6 cm and 50% effaced or even 3-4 cm but more like 80% effaced, he’d let me try to labor more. So I refuse to sign the consent for csection, and beg for one hour, one hour to try and get things going. He gives it to me. We start praying and calling everyone we know for prayers. My contractions pick up, and I’m just thanking God, and praying for stronger ones. During this time I was stuck 15 times trying to get a vein for an IV and blood, I have terrible veins. In one hour, he comes in to check me, and I saw the look of shock on his face. I had thinned out to 80-90% So I ask him how long he would give a person on pitocin to labor, he said 3 hours. So I ask for 2 more hours. He agrees. Oh my contractions came on strong every 3-4 minutes, then every 2, but I was feeling in a fog still having hot and cold episodes. I had let them start me on antibiotics, they came in at the end of my 2 hours, and before checking me they took my temp. I was over 104. So I signed the papers, and asked them not to check me. I wasn’t feeling the urge to push, and didn’t want to know how far I had gotten. They wheeled me to surgery, and a calm just came over my body. I had an overwhelming sense of peace. My c-section went fine, my baby was perfect. My body was not. My internal organs were HOT, so they give more antibiotics. In recovery I was given some more. Still I was going hot and cold. My pulse was also racing. I got to have my baby girl an hour and a half after she was born. (With our son I didn’t see him for 24 hours). She latched right on to nurse. She was beautiful. She is beautiful. She also had a heat rash, so I know we made the right decision to give consent for the surgery.
The next 48 hours were extremely scary, and incredibly rewarding. I have never needed God that much in my life. My body refused to get better. I was taking round after round of some of the most powerful antibiotics out there. Since I haven’t taken antibiotics in years, that didn’t make sense. I would go from 101 and sweating bullets to 95.5, and my teeth chattering. The baby would nurse right through it to, she’s a champ. When my temp would soar, she’d nurse and sweat. Then it switched I’d be 102 and freezing, then 96.4 and the sweat just rolling. My mind was foggy. I was scared. I hit a point where I wasn’t sure I wouldn’t live, I was just praying out for mercy. They were talking sepsis and blood transfusions. I knew at 1am Saturday morning that my body was going to go one way or another. I knew then that it was the point of no return, and that if it went for the worse I wouldn’t recover. I kept praying to God, He took hold of my right hand, and freed me from the fear. Then I miraculously turned the corner. My fever broke for good. It stayed down through all of the sweating. I was a constant 96 degrees.
I truly felt God saving my life. Through my praying that I was sorry I wasn’t ready for Heaven yet, and I know that’s selfish, but I just wanted to be mommy to my kids and wife to my husband.
The baby never needed antibiotics thank the Lord. She nursed so well through it all, she brought my milk in early. They released us on Sunday afternoon, we came home, and I could tell my kids were sick. The hubby took Tanner (who was breathing the worst) to the doctor, and turns out the kids all have RSV. There was a brief panic, but then God is in control, and He can take care of this. We are blessed. We have a home where Grace and I can stay in the bedroom, and the kids and John can stay in the living room. We have a wood stove to heat their part, so we did not need to circulate our central heat and thus contaminate every room with germ filled air. John was able to take this time off from work to be with the kids. He has given medicine, baths, hugs, wiped noses, cleaned dishes, cooked all the meals, and been overly amazing. Oh and he had to rewire parts of our house, because the electricity kept going in and out. Turns out, that was an outside power line issue, but he did all of that while also having RSV. I do love him.