Three years, two adoptions (well one adoption of two children), a farm purchase, and oh nine months later…..here we are.
Three years ago, we travelled a long way in hopes of restoring our fertility. It felt like the right thing to do, I just knew that we would not suffer the same way that we had with Andy, if I did my part and left it all in God’s hands.
Of course at the time, I was under the impression that we would immediately have a baby 🙂
That did not happen (no surprise there).
I prayed, prayed, and prayed some more. Oh how I wanted to have another child. Then, we had two. It wasn’t the answer to my prayer, but it was the answer God chose to give me. So I followed.
Adopting Anna and Tanner was one of our greatest struggles. Each day we deal with things that we could never have imagined. I love them greatly, and I so look forward to having them around forever (assuming they never choose to leave). It seems that even though I struggle, I am growing, becoming more dependant on God. John and I have grown stronger as a couple as well.
But you all already know that.
When Anna and Tanner came home, John was very adamant about wanting to not put anymore kids in the house we had. It was small, and not safe for kids to be running around. However, we left it in God’s hands anyway.
Then we find his dream home one weekend out of the blue.
A month after moving in we find out we are expecting.
Thirty-eight weeks later, I’m still waiting on God.
You see, I had it in my head that I would do everything in my power to get this baby out. I am nervous. I only have two weeks, and then I do not get my natural birth. If we have another cesarean we are medically limited after this, should God bless us again. She has to come out before then, and I thought I could help that a long….although I don’t know what I thought I could do.
It isn’t my choice. God has her birthday planned. It wasn’t my choice when she would be created (and the Lord knows I would have picked three years sooner), and now it is not my choice when she will make her debut into the world. How great our God is to create life and have everything so wonderfully planned. How silly of me to think I had some kind of control over it. I am starting to understand that longsuffering (i.e. patience) is key to life. If we can master waiting on God, our prayers will be answered, and we will not waste valuable time and energy focused on unnecessary things.
Now, if I could just master this whole patience thing 🙂 It seem so much easier said than done.