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4 not 2

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(They look so happy in this photo caught by surprise…not 🙂

It has become a common thread of conversation over the last few months, people find out about our adoption, and then tell me how nice it is that I’ll have two kids.

A boy and a girl.

This is never said out of a mean spirit, but more out of not understanding that we have FOUR kids, not two.  Anna and Tanner are our kids.  I mean they’ve been here for 21 months.  We’ve wiped butts, changed wet beds, given baths, brushed teeth, read stories, shared hugs, fed all meals, etc…for the last 21 months.  They are ours.

They are ours as equally as Andy and new baby.

I say this not because it is PC to say, because anyone who knows us knows we are just so very not concerned with being PC, but to emphasize it’s truth. 

Now, in all honesty.  We do not have the same bonds.  I do not have the same bond with Tanner that I do Anna, nor with Anna that I do Andy, and so on.  It will always be special to me that I was able to carry Andy in my body, nourish him afterwards, and raise him from the beginning. 

It is also special to me the journey that is adoption.  Unless someone has done it, it is definitely hard to explain.  The sacrifice, the amazing feats overcome, the first hugs, being spit on, bit, punched, kicked, and peed on by two total little strangers, and finding love for them anyway.  The bond of strength created between John and I through the whole thing, and the growth that goes on afterward.  I share that special connection to Anna and Tanner for life.

But the day to day, these are the small people that encompass my life, and well I love ’em.  Yeah, that love is equal.  They’re my kids, all of them.  When we look at them, we don’t see the adopted ones and the biological ones. We see their big eyes, their smiles, they grouchiness, their hugs, they are present here.  Sometimes they all equally annoy me to.  It happens.

So no, we will not have a boy and a girl when the baby comes.

We will have TWO boys and TWO girls.  FOUR kids.  Yes, they all are ours.  No, none of them are twins.  Yes, we know how it happens.  No, we are not crazy (well I mean that is debatable).  And on and on it goes.  I wonder why people assume that adopted kids come in second place.  I wonder if that is what keeps more people from adopting, that fear that they won’t be able to love the kids equally.  Things to ponder.

3 thoughts on “4 not 2

  1. I really can't understand that kind of thinking either. Those who say that you'll have two kids – don't they consider Anna and Tanner kids? Or do they think they're not yours – then who's children are they? I think it's so sad. Of course they're all yours!!

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  2. I don't think anyone has said it out of mean spirit. In fact I think adoption is so abstract to a lot of people (especially adoption of a child with special needs), that they never know how to talk about it. All of the people have just been enamored with Anna and Tanner, especially the people at church, so I know they mean well. I just wish people could see adoption in a better light, in a way that makes it all natural, I mean we are all adopted by God.

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